Friend-zoning is a stupid concept.  Forgive me because this is gonna come out sounding muddled, but I need to get this down for my own sake.

Sure, I understand what it feels like because everyone does and you’re not as special as you think you are.  I was thinking about this and was trying to reason a scenario it which using the term “friendzone” might be acceptable.  Like, if you get rejected by someone you like, but it’s someone you’ve been friends with in the past and there’s a mutual desire to keep that going, is it okay to call that friendzoning?  At first I thought so, and someone else I asked thought so too.  In fact, I am surrounded by people who are totally okay with the idea of friendzoning, including the placing of blame on the person (and let’s be honest, that person is usually a woman) “doing” the friendzoning and the resulting resentment.  But that’s exactly the problem with it.  The implication is that that person had an obligation to respond to your feelings in a way they weren’t comfortable with, and that’s not cool at all.  It’s also not something you do to someone you’re supposed to care about.  When you start to legitimise that obligation, you’re one step closer towards legitimising rape culture.  I know it sucks to be rejected, but it is not okay to guilt trip people or show resentment for it as a result.  It just goes to show how little that friendship really meant in the first place.  It’s not a healthy place to be.  I can most definitely vouch for that.

My conclusion is that people don’t get friendzoned, they friendzone themselves.  Somebody trusts you with a friendship, and spinning this crap is betraying that trust.  The notion of friendzoning is built up in the mind of the person being rejected, and is loaded with disrespect and unfounded resentment.  That resentment is just plain unfair to the unsuspecting other party; you have to deal with that shit more or less on your own.  Furthermore, validating the system of friendzoning is unhealthy because it enters the dangerous territory where you’re pressuring or expecting someone to act in a way they do not consent to.  We need to do away with the term altogether.

People are under no obligation to like anyone, or to act on any feelings they might have towards a person, ever.  No exceptions for non-binary or non-heteronormative folk.