Are ‘Friends’ Electric? - Tubeway Army
Replicas (1979)
June 2011
74 posts
an ordinary poem
since you’ve always wanted
to know I am going to admit that I never liked Shakespeare,
Browning, the
Brontë sisters,
Tolstoy, baseball, summers on the shore, arm-
wrestling, hockey, Thomas Mann, Vivaldi, Winston Churchill,
Dudley
Moore, free verse,
pizza, bowling, the Olympic Games, the Three Stooges, the
Marx
Brothers, Ives, Al Jolson, Bob Hope, Frank Sinatra, Mickey
Mouse, basketball,
fathers, mothers, cousins, wives, shack jobs (although preferable
to the former),
and I don’t like the Nutcracker Suite, the Academy Awards,
Hawthorne,
Melville, pumpkin pie, New Year’s Eve, Christmas, Labor Day,
the
Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Good Friday, The Who,
Bacon, Dr. Spock, Blackstone and Berlioz, Franz
Liszt, pantyhose,
lice, fleas, goldfish, crabs, spiders, war
heroes, space flights, camels (I don’t trust camels) or the
Bible,
Updike, Erica Jong, Corso, bartenders, fruit flies, Jane
Fonda,
churches, weddings, birthdays, newscasts, watch
dogs, .22 rifles, Henry
Fonda
and all the women who should have loved me but
didn’t and
the first day of Spring and the
last
and the first line of this poem
and this one
that you’re reading
now.
(Charles Bukowski)
30. Gustave Flaubert on George Sand
“A great cow full of ink.”
29. Robert Louis Stevenson on Walt Whitman
“…like a large shaggy dog just unchained scouring the beaches of the world and baying at the moon.”28. Friedrich Nietzsche on Dante Alighieri
“A hyena that wrote poetry on tombs.”27. Harold Bloom on J.K. Rowling (2000)
“How to read ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’? Why, very quickly, to begin with, and perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything better, Rowling will have to do.”26. Vladimir Nabokov on Fyodor Dostoevsky
“Dostoevky’s lack of taste, his monotonous dealings with persons suffering with pre-Freudian complexes, the way he has of wallowing in the tragic misadventures of human dignity — all this is difficult to admire.”
25. Gertrude Stein on Ezra Pound
“A village explainer. Excellent if you were a village, but if you were not, not.”24. Virginia Woolf on Aldous Huxley
“All raw, uncooked, protesting.”23. H. G. Wells on George Bernard Shaw
“An idiot child screaming in a hospital.”22. Joseph Conrad on D.H. Lawrence
“Filth. Nothing but obscenities.”21. Lord Byron on John Keats (1820)
“Here are Johnny Keats’ piss-a-bed poetry, and three novels by God knows whom… No more Keats, I entreat: flay him alive; if some of you don’t I must skin him myself: there is no bearing the drivelling idiotism of the Mankin.”
20. Vladimir Nabokov on Joseph Conrad
“I cannot abide Conrad’s souvenir shop style and bottled ships and shell necklaces of romanticist cliches.”19. Dylan Thomas on Rudyard Kipling
“Mr Kipling … stands for everything in this cankered world which I would wish were otherwise.”18. Ralph Waldo Emerson on Jane Austen
“Miss Austen’s novels … seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in the mind of the writer … is marriageableness.”17. Martin Amis on Miguel Cervantes
“Reading Don Quixote can be compared to an indefinite visit from your most impossible senior relative, with all his pranks, dirty habits, unstoppable reminiscences, and terrible cronies. When the experience is over, and the old boy checks out at last (on page 846 — the prose wedged tight, with no breaks for dialogue), you will shed tears all right; not tears of relief or regret but tears of pride. You made it, despite all that ‘Don Quixote’ could do.”
16. Charles Baudelaire on Voltaire (1864)
“I grow bored in France — and the main reason is that everybody here resembles Voltaire…the king of nincompoops, the prince of the superficial, the anti-artist, the spokesman of janitresses, the Father Gigone of the editors of Siecle.”
15. William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”14. Ernest Hemingway on William Faulkner
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”13. Gore Vidal on Truman Capote
“He’s a full-fledged housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.”12. Oscar Wilde on Alexander Pope
“There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.”
11. Vladimir Nabokov on Ernest Hemingway (1972)
“As to Hemingway, I read him for the first time in the early ‘forties, something about bells, balls and bulls, and loathed it.”
10. Henry James on Edgar Allan Poe (1876)
“An enthusiasm for Poe is the mark of a decidedly primitive stage of reflection.”9. Truman Capote on Jack Kerouac
“That’s not writing, that’s typing.”8. Elizabeth Bishop on J.D. Salinger
“I HATED [Catcher in the Rye]. It took me days to go through it, gingerly, a page at a time, and blushing with embarrassment for him every ridiculous sentence of the way. How can they let him do it?”7. D.H. Lawrence on Herman Melville (1923)
“Nobody can be more clownish, more clumsy and sententiously in bad taste, than Herman Melville, even in a great book like ‘Moby Dick’….One wearies of the grand serieux. There’s something false about it. And that’s Melville. Oh dear, when the solemn ass brays! brays! brays!”
6. W. H. Auden on Robert Browning
“I don’t think Robert Browning was very good in bed. His wife probably didn’t care for him very much. He snored and had fantasies about twelve-year-old girls.”5. Evelyn Waugh on Marcel Proust (1948)
“I am reading Proust for the first time. Very poor stuff. I think he was mentally defective.”4. Mark Twain on Jane Austen (1898)
“I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.”3. Virginia Woolf on James Joyce
“[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.”2. William Faulkner on Mark Twain (1922)
“A hack writer who would not have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven sure fire literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.”1. D.H. Lawrence on James Joyce (1928)
“My God, what a clumsy olla putrida James Joyce is! Nothing but old fags and cabbage stumps of quotations from the Bible and the rest stewed in the juice of deliberate, journalistic dirty-mindedness.”
Capitalism murdered my friend’s hair and beard. He “couldn’t get a job” without cutting it all off. This is a sad, sad day. He looked so wise and friendly before. Now he looks like a dork, and a good five years younger.
I am very invested in this guy’s hair, apparently.
Is it wrong to regret ever having welcomed the burden of intellectualism into my life, or should I be grateful for this shot I have at true enlightenment, even if right now it seems so overwhelmingly to be a shot in the dark?
What is true enlightenment anyway? Where does the assumption, my assumption, that enlightenment and a brainwashing of academia are somehow related, even come from?
If you read economics, they present it as though it’s a science. I’ve read through much of the curriculum of what bachelor’s and master’s degree Harvard University students would read for their degrees in economics. Economics is not a science. It’s an invention. It’s a contrivance. It’s funny, you look at economics books and they have graphs and charts and they make complex novel equations. It’s all contrived. It doesn’t have any relationship to the natural order of things.
It is based upon and folkway of orienting production and distribution, and we’ve established this massive structure that makes it seem valid. There’s really nothing anyone needs to know about economics, than the fact that the entire global economic system is based upon people constantly consuming, regardless of the state of affairs in natural orders of energy, planetary materials and anything else. It is blind, narrow consumption with absolutely no regard for the environment.
I’m such a kiss-ass to guys with intimidating good looks who are also charming and friendly goddamnit. I guess it’s jealousy or something. Oh, life.
A friendly personality makes everyone so much more attractive. I know a lot of friendly people. This is a bit of a problem for me :P
Bon EYE-ver, Bon EYE-ver